Zulueta

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[Editor’s Note: in 1995, Enrique traveled to his father’s rural hometown of Zulueta, Cuba, for the 100th anniversary of the town’s annual “parranda”, or Carnival. The article he wrote for Smithsonian Magazine about this magical journey back to his childhood has been out of print for decades. We are thrilled we were able to find it and bring it to you again. ]

MY FAMILY MOVED TO THE UNITED STATES WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN, and like most Cuban-Americans, they never went back. Raised in Havana, I had been a city boy, used to apartment buildings, buses, trolleys and the general bustle of the metropolis. But at least once a year, we piled into the car and drove to Zulueta, where there were far more horses than cars, where the houses had wooden portals in front and mango and avocado trees out back, and where the men were mustachioed peasants who wore wide-brimmed straw hats and riding boots, and had sharp machetes slung from their waists. I played with my country cousins on the porch of my great-aunt's spacious house and watched the horsemen leave their mounts tied outside my great-uncle's country store next door, to step in for a drink of rum.

Now, finally, I am returning to my father's dreamscape. I have chosen the end of the year, the time when, traditionally, Zulueta's errant children return for the parrandas, or parties, wild year-end revels that are exactly one century old. Visiting Zulueta will also afford me a chance to see what I like to think of as the real Cuba, the backwater Cuba, the Cuba that is not the subject of constant journalistic exposure and political analysis. Mostly, though, I want to see for myself if the town's romance is overblown by nostalgia—my father's and my own. I want to walk into the storybook and either feel its pages crumble when reality hits or get lost between its covers

I remember the parrandas well from my childhood. Celebrating the New Year, the townsfolk divide into two historic camps, vying against each other to see who can produce the best parade float and the most spectacular fireworks for New Year's Eve. Excitement builds during the preceding week, as each neighborhood stages impromptu parades and minor displays of fireworks, all to the accompaniment of beating drums, singing, and dancing. Dawn on December 31 is ushered in with a conga line that weaves through town; later in the day, final touches are put on the floats, and the fireworks are set up.

Come nightfall, the wild heart of the parrandas is unleashed, as the two neighborhoods take turns parading their floats—immense, fanciful contraptions meant to go only up and down the main drag—and setting off massive fireworks displays. From then on, all through the night, there will be more fireworks: no one sleeps and the rum flows. In the morning, the winning neighborhood dances through the streets again in a triumphal march.

Arriving in Zulueta one night in late December, I head for the house belonging to Mercedes Garit, the sister-in-law of a friend of my family's, who has kindly agreed to put me up. Located on Parque Armona, the town's main square, her home is a perfect spot to catch the festivities. As soon as I have unpacked, Mercedes' thirteen-year-old daughter, Yesi, and her friends escort me around the town. The preparations for the parrandas are feverishly going on; we poke into warehouses and homes where floats are being built, costumes are being sewn, and fireworks have been stored.

Considering that the Cuban economy is in the worst sIump in its history, it's a miracle that something as festive and impractical as the parrandas is going on. By my calculation, the hundred-year mark of the celebration means that the annual festival has survived the Spanish colonization, a shaky republic, two right-wing dictators and decades of Communism. Zulueta prospered as a sugar mill center until early in this century, when the Carretera Central, a two-lane highway that ran the full length of the island, bypassed the town. Isolation set in, turning the town into a microeconomy with limited opportunities for its native children, such as my grandfather, a small entrepreneur who was forced to migrate to Havana in the 1940s. Isolation meant that the same families would often intermarry, so that by the time of my childhood everyone there was my "cousin." And isolation also shaped Zulueta into a magical, eccentric world...

During the parrandas, politics takes a backseat, and even though the celebration date coincides with the anniversary of the Cuban Revolution—on January 1, 1959, Batista fled Cuba and the revolutionaries took over—it is scarcely mentioned. In this town around New Year's, whose side you are on has little to do with ideology and everything to do with whether your heart belongs to La Loma or to Guanijibes, the rival neighborhood teams.

For nothing it seems, can stop the zulueteños' passion for partying, pyrotechnics, and friendly, if intense, competition between the uphill and downhill neighborhoods. Indeed, as I tour the town with Yesi and her friends, fierce-looking men block my way when I try to cross into either of the competing sides—only to allow me in and invite me to join them in a drink after I explain that I'm an impartial journalist.

Later that evening, my teenage guides and I walk back to Parque Armona, in the center of the La Loma neighborhood. Like any typical, small-town Latin American plaza, it is ringed by important buildings, such as the church, the movie theater, the police headquarters, the home of the town's most distinguished citizen—a doctor—and the assembly hall where, in my father's time, Zulueta's "society” events were held. After describing some of my family's houses to my young friends and being told they are around the corner from the church, I set out on my own, telling them, "I'm off in search of my childhood."

Back then, my family would stay with my grandmother's sister, América, who had married a prosperous merchant and lived in a spacious house next to my great-uncle's store. Under the starlight, I recognize the store. The house next to it looks somewhat run down, but I figure this must be it. When I knock, a sliver of an old man answers, and I tell him I'm looking for Rosa, América's daughter.

“We knew a grandson of Concha [my paternal grandmother] was coming to write a story”, says an old woman I instantly recognize although the last time we met she could not have been thirty. "I knew it had to be you."

The house has weathered inside as well as outside, quite different from the days when my great-aunt América kept it shining and full of the porcelain figurines both she and my grandmother loved. But its spaces are still big and noble, and its ceiling, like those of other old Zulueta houses, is incredibly high. “Enriquito don’t you know who I am?" a voice behind me asks, using the diminutive of my childhood. I turn to see a stocky man about my age in jeans and a baseball cap. "It's me. Julito."

Julio, Rosa's son and my playmate during my Zulueta sojourns, is now a sugar mill technician during the sugar season and a soccer trainer the rest of the year. Later, we rejoined by another cousin, “Tin Tin," who arrives from the provincial capital of Santa Clara where he lives today. Tin Tin is really named José Agustín, after his grandfather, but since the latter’s nickname was “Tin" the grandson's was doubled; I remember him as a skinny kid always riding a borrowed horse. Neither of them has changed much since we were children, and they become my companions during my days in Zulueta—the country cousins and the city cousin reunited as playmates once more.

The week of festive preparation doesn't prepare me for the hectic sweep of events when the parrandas finally hit. Well before dawn on the morning of New Year's Eve, I am awakened by the conga line snaking through town to officially start the festivities. Led by musicians playing conga drums and cowbells, it stops at the houses where homecoming zulueteños are staying, inviting them to join the dance. As I shuffle gracelessly to the drumbeat, trying to wake up and not stumble in the dark, a lithe black man scolds me, "You haven't danced a step. Enjoy yourself, sonny boy. Life is short. Ha!” He’s right. Surrounded by hypnotic rhythm and euphoric people, I effortlessly lose myself.

After a couple of hours, I hear the beat of the music change to a rumba. The drummers have stopped leading the conga line and are now sitting on a stoop on the town's main street, the Calle Real. Merging with the growing crowd, now moving in unison to the rumba beat, I see the drummers for the first time. They are all black; in Zulueta, as in the rest of Cuba, the African heritage is strong. Excitement mounts as La Loma and Guanijibes rivals set off fireworks and yell out for their neighborhoods: “Viva La Loma!' /Viva Guanijibes!" Then, huge banners for each neighborhood are waved  on the street, each swing of the colors equally met by cheers and shouts of derision.

Suddenly, the La Loma standard-bearer climbs to a second-story rooftop above the drummers, triumphantly waving his neighborhood's red flag. He is a white guajiro, as Cuban peasants are called, with a big mustache and dreamy eyes. Judging by the effort it costs him to climb up and wave the heavy banner, it's obvious that he's had too much rum.

 

The black-skinned Guanijibes flag-bearer, the muscles of his bare torso gleaming, climbs after his rival with the agility of a circus acrobat. To the joy of his supporters, he reaches a rooftop above his adversary and waves his blue flag even higher than La Loma's, a broad grin on his face. Flustered, the lomero scampers on the rooftops with an unsure step to an even higher spot, carrying the big, heavy flagpole and the La Loma flag. He is waving it there when someone next to me, putting rivalry aside, says, "I just hope he doesn't fall and hurt himself. It's happened before."...

The Parque Armona is ringed twice by sawhorses studded with fireworks, with more fireworks-laden sawhorses stretching for one full block at each of its four corners. Down in Guanijibes, another park is similarly armed. That doesn't include the countless hand-held fireworks. Nor the "mortars," cannon loaded with fireworks that produce a double explosion, one when the explosive is fired and another when it bursts in the air.

We're talking sheer firepower here. It's not the elegance of the display that will win points for the competing neighborhoods, but the relentlessness and volume of the bombast. Zuluetenos are hooked on it. My cousin Tin Tin has been saying all week, "I can't wait for the fireworks to start." And my old aunt Rosa, who has a broken hip, floods with tears whenever she thinks about not being right in the middle of the fireworks this year. A tough, muscular guajiro, whose soiled t-shirt and work pants are the result of his round-the-clock hard labor building his neighborhood's float, takes me aside to tell me that the authorities have set a limit on the fireworks each side can set off. "When you go back," he confides, "tell my people that I would die for my neighborhood, and that if these policemen don't let us use all we have, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know." And he breaks into tears.

As the night of December 31 falls, the town of Zulueta is literally ready to go off. The La Loma float begins its stately descent down the main street. Its theme is an elaborate Russian fairy tale--Slavic folklore has slipped into Cuba via the Soviet influence--about beautiful princesses, gallant princes, evil wizards, and the metamorphosis of magic animals into people and vice versa. It has all been elaborately staged, with papier-maché elephants, dances,and acted-out dramatic sequences that follow a narration underscored by a musical track....

The Guanijibes float is no less elaborate, though its theme, "triumphant backdrops," is not as exotic. On the platforms of various heights there are characters who recall the themes of floats that have won previous parrandas competitions: Helen of Troy, Swan Lake, the Emperor and the Nightingale, Romeo and Juliet. This one is a crowd-pleaser, more successful than the dense narrative of the La Loma float. When it reaches the crossroads, a trapdoor opens and a figure all in white (representing the African goddess Obatala, it is later explained) rises from the depths of the float. She is merely a mannequin, but veiled in smoke and darkness she is enlivened by a huge fireworks display—beautiful lights, not just bomb blasts—released in perfect timing so as to rise behind the float like a heavenly crown.

   

"Tasteful," everyone agrees when the cheering subsides. After the flag incident and the clear advantage of the Guanijibes float, the guanijiberos seem to have the edge. But the fireworks display is yet to come. And it does come. For the next several hours--all through the night, in fact—the exhilarating explosions never cease. The sawhorses that ring the Parque Armona are refilled no fewer than three times. My clothes are impregnated with the smell of gunpowder,and for the next couple of days the whole town reeks of it…


Who wins the 100th Zulueta parrandas? As always, it's popular sentiment that decides. If the elegance of the floats and costumes were the true criterion, Guanijibes would be the winner this year. But, agree the zulueteños (the lomeros loudly, in public; the guanijiberos quietly, in private), La Loma out-boomed Guanijibes. The following day, in a gesture of friendship and sibling solidarity, both neighborhoods dance through the town in a joint victory parade, and both flags are raised in triumph. On this, the centennial year, the winner is not a neighborhood but, instead, the spirit of unbridled imagination.


And, in a way, those of us who have come back to Zulueta are winners, too. The parrandas are the public celebration I have come here to witness. But I also came for something else, something locked in my father's dreams and my own memories. On the night I arrived, I was struck by the beauty of the town; the starry night served as a backdrop to Zulueta's modest one-and-two-story houses, its portals, its impossibly high ceilings, its old cobbled streets, its tropical fruit trees silhouetted against the black sky....


Perhaps Zulueta's isolation has been a blessing in disguise. Regardless of what change is coming to this country—or even what lack of change—the native children of this town will always know who they are: zulueteños all year round, but guanijiberos and lomeros at year's end. Having come back here after so many years, some of that ease has rubbed off on me, and at least part of me also knows now with great certainty who I am. I have found my childhood. I have come home.





Elián

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(EDITOR’S NOTE: for many years Enrique wrote a column at the Ft. Lauderdale Sun Sentinel newspaper. We are collecting some of the best ones, and will share them here.)

On the day of St. Cecilia, patron saint of music, also the anniversary of JFK's assassination, the boy is found.

By fishermen, men like Jesus' apostles. He has survived miraculously where others, including his mother, have drowned. Dolphins, they say, kept guard against the sharks that roam those waters. And even after that terrible ordeal the child looks angelic. A winsome face with a hint of sadness, a face that will not change no matter how often it will appear on TV screens and newspaper front pages over the next months.

"A golden child, my mother says."

Those are words of one Cuban-American demonstrator keeping watch over what appear to be the child's last hours on American soil. She tells her friend, "And my mother always adds, '24 karat gold!'"

The golden child's own mother becomes a memory, a ghostly absence. She has sacrificed herself to the cruel sea, "in order to give the child life," the child's compatriots in exile will say.

The father, across the Straits, looks just like the child. But the boy's sweet innocence has been replaced by a tight-lipped reticence. And, when the father finally appears in the United States, the serious suits he wears make him look like a little boy dressed up for church.

After his rescue from the sea, a rescue that resonates with Cubans who have always said prayers before an image of the Virgin Mary saving a boat of fishermen from an ocean death, the boy lives with Miami relatives.

There is a great-uncle, a handsome, raffish, mustachioed man, young looking enough to appear, in the images of his taking the boy to school, more like a father than a grandfather. And there is a young cousin who becomes a surrogate mother.

She is attractive -- this is a good-looking family -- and emotionally frail, precisely the kind of young woman who will trigger that erotic mix of macho and fatherly feelings many men are prone to.

Two of Latin America's greatest writers cannot resist actually writing some of the story. Colombia's Gabriel Garcia Marquez, a man of lifelong leftist militancy and a friend of the Cuban leader, weighs in with a story of the mother's flight with the boy. And the Cuban Guillermo Cabrera Infante, whose parents were founders of Cuba's Communist Party, writes about the politics of the case in the light of Cuba's powerful traditions of African religion. Unlike his Colombian colleague, however, the Cuban is an archenemy of the Cuban regime.

Halfway through this story, the boy's grandmothers make an appearance. After tortuous negotiation -- everything in this story requires tortuous negotiation -- they meet the child at the home of a Catholic nun, president of a local college. Yet soon after their visit, the nun, whose house had been chosen precisely because of her neutrality, sides with the exile family and declares the child should stay in the United States.

And one of the grandmothers declares, as if telling a charming family anecdote, that during her meeting with her grandson she bit his tongue and inspected his genitals.

Non-Cuban Americans do not understand much of what is going on, or if they seem to understand they disapprove.

Clinging to family values and the law, they insist the boy belongs with his father. And they look at the Miami Cubans with increasing fear and loathing. Those people are breaking the law, they say, though no one has been prosecuted for lawlessness.

Indeed, much of what is happening is being carried out by lawyers.

When there is the opportunity to send the child's father to claim his son, the Cuban leader threatens to send a team of psychiatrists, the head of the National Assembly, the child's classmates, and his school desk for good measure.

Spanish language talk radio in Miami addresses no other topic.

Cuban-Americans pray in church to their patron saint, the Virgin Mary, for a miracle. For some, that Virgin is also Ochun, the African goddess of flowing waters, of sweetness, of women's sexuality. And believers in Santeria see in the uncle's name, Lazaro, the Christian "saint" who stands for an African deity, Babalu-aye.

Walking away from the watch over the nun's house, where the child and his exile family await the moment of contact with the child's father, I mention to a compatriot the great-uncle's name, Lazaro.

As if conjured by my words, two men turn a corner and walk in my direction bearing a life-size statue of St. Lazarus, a bearded man in a loincloth, leaning on crutches and bearing on his torso sores that resemble stigmata.

The American media gathered at the watch will probably see yet another sign of the Cuban-American community's Catholic piousness. Cubans, on both sides of the Florida Straits, will continue to see portents, meanings.

Stories not just of laws and families and politics, but, as in Indonesian puppet theater, of good and evil, men and gods.


from the Ft. Lauderdale Sun Sentinel, 4/13/2000


Mi Paladar (Part 1)

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(Editor’s Note: Many of you are familiar with Cortadito, Enrique’s 2014 book about Cuban cuisine. But not many have had the opportunity to read this article, the prototype for Cortadito, which appeared in a literary journal in 2013. “Mi Paladar” is long overdue to be read and appreciated by a wider audience . It is a culinary memoir, but it is more than that: a haunting, emotional and personal meditation on themes which preoccupied Enrique during his life: Cuban and Spanish culture, sexuality, longing, sabor. )

An old house in a colonial city of the Caribbean. Like most Spanish houses, it's built close to the street; the front door opens to a narrow sidewalk. Inside, shutters are kept closed to interdict the sun. But in the center of the house there's a patio filled with potted plants, some of them the size of trees. At noon, the veranda is set with dining tables, for the widow who owns the house takes in lodgers and serves them a big Creole lunch, the day's serious meal in a Latin country. The first course is always soup, a chicken or beef broth in which floats fresh herbs, pieces of meat, and tiny lumps of tropical tubers: yuca, malanga, ñame, boniato. Steam rises from the plate, intoxicating the diners, as the soup's aroma mixes with the scent of the patio plants and the humid heat. 


I gag. 


We live in the country's capital, at the other end of the saurian-shaped island, but we come to Santiago once a year on a pilgrimage to Cuba's patron saint, the Virgin of Charity, whose shrine is a short drive away in the mining town of El Cobre. When my sister fell ill to a supposedly incurable terminal disease my parents prayed to the Virgin and vowed to visit her shrine every year. My sister is cured so we have driven along the Central Highway to Santiago, the last leg a harrowing descent from the Sierra Maestra Mountains. We always stay in this boarding house; we always eat our lunches on the patio. I like the trip but I dread lunch. 


I'm maybe ten years old and I hate criollo food. Too lumpy. Too seasoned. Too many flavors in each soup spoon. 


Back home in Havana, my mother, a great cook whose skills will only increase with age, serves Spanish and Cuban dishes. I like her food, but it overwhelms me. And just like American movies, with their flattening of style and desire and purpose, comfort me, American food comforts me. Or I think it will because, frankly, I haven't tasted it yet. I am comforted by the thought, the possibility, the promise of American food. 


Single notes. Surface. No texture. To a child, 'tis a gift to be simple. Complexity, depth - these are lost on a child's palate, or, worse, like on mine, rejected. A child loves American. 


We have specialties that are simulacra, or so it will come to feel to me, of American models. We have hamburgers. We call them fritas, and they are sold by street vendors who cook them on propane-fueled grills in their carts. The ground meat is heavily seasoned; its juices run red with paprika. They are tiny and served in a small soft bun smeared with a tomato sauce, to which stick little pieces of chopped onion. The patties are topped with shoestring-fried potatoes and tucked in the bun. The last frita I had in my hometown gave me a stomachache that kept me up all night. 


A new American-style amusement park has just opened, bigger and more extravagant than the small Parque Colón my parents have always taken me to. The new one is called Coney Island and it has a roller coaster I never ride because I'm afraid. I don't go on the other big rides either. The Ferris wheel is as adventurous as I get - or will ever get in a lifetime. 


The park has attractions. Games of skill and chance, and machines that dig into mounds of shiny trinkets but come up with nothing. And it has food stands. One of them serves hamburgers. American hamburgers. What's in the patty? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but ground beef. Catsup and mustard to smear on it. Maybe onions and pickles. No shoestring potatoes. But mostly, the one-note of plain ground beef. 


American beef is so good it doesn't need seasoning, the Yankee-phile father of one of my friends tells my dad. And he drives us to a butcher that carries American beef so we can buy some already ground - our kitchen always had a meat grinder – and make our own hamburgers. It's the fat in the beef that gives it flavor so it needs nothing else, my friend's father tells us. We are in awe of things American and I think my parents are already thinking of emigrating, so we believe him and buy the ground beef. I certainly like these burgers better than fritas. 


Then one day I'm at the house of a school acquaintance. We kids are in love with American movies and American music; I listen only to the radio station at the end of the dial playing the most wonderful new beat, rock and roll. And we love English, which we study in school - I'm good at it and speak to each other with great affectation in front of other kids. I'm about twelve. The home where we have stopped is very much into American food. They offer me a dessert. Blueberries, from an American can. Topped with whipped cream, from another American can; with this one you bend the spout and the cream gushes out in a perfect foam. 



I have never tasted blueberries. Didn't know blueberries existed. Never saw cream come already whipped from a can. It's all so marvelous. So American. I want this, more of this, lots of this. I want to live in a country where berries are blue and cream is whipped inside a can. And where these uncomplicated flavors exist.


Our own fruits are daunting. Papayas, which in Havana we call fruta bomba because papaya is the street word for female genitalia. Mamey, which is like a brown-skinned avocado with a similar big seed, a black one, inside, but the flesh is red and the flavor is sweet and tangy. Guanábana, which looks like what you'd get if you crossed a green apple with an armadillo. Tamarind. Mamoncillo. Anon. It's not just the papayas that look like genitals, these are all hypersexualized fruits; next to them, peaches and apples appear virginal. And taste them. Heavy with enzymes, tropical fruits stimulate the salivary glands. I don't think at the time that sex will taste like these fruits, but I will know it later, I will know that it tastes exactly like these fruits.


Not blueberries. And certainly not blueberries from a can- one day, hiking in Maine, I will taste wild blueberries, but by then I will no longer be a child and I will be living with a woman whose sex I have tasted. The first blueberries and canned whipped cream soothe me, and I was born to be soothed.


On one of our Santiago sojourns we make a side trip to the town of El Caney, renowned throughout Cuba for its fruit. Frutas del Caney is how some Havana vendors advertise their fruit, and I think there's a popular song with that name. We are going to taste the legendary frutas in their hometown. When we arrive we find few if any fruits. Few if any fruit stands, for that matter. And what little fruit we find are pathetic. The good ones are exported to Havana or the U.S., my parents conclude. Still, we are here so we must bring something back. We pick a big dark brown pod that we've heard has an unparalleled flavor but also an unparalleled stench.


It's called cañandonga, a word that already sounds disturbing. Caña is cane and the ndonga suffix denotes grossness, vulgarity. This is gross cane or cane that smells gross. Do we open one to confirm the legendary flavor, the legendary stench? I think we do but my memory is vague. I know we bring some back, possibly give it all away, except the one big cañandonga pod at home for a long time, never opening it, preserving it as an icon, a power item of sorts, speaking to visitors about its mythical status.

Cañandonga is about as far from blueberries in an American can as one could get. Its very appearance, that of an old machete sheath, is aggressive. Its presence in my home confirms my prejudices and my desires.


*********


What is Cuban food? In his seminal work from the early decades of the twentieth century, Fernando Ortiz, father of modern Cuban intellectual life, famously declared that “Cuba is an ajiaco.” He was referring to a boiled pot of Caribbean root vegetables like cassava and taro, as well as African imports like ñame (a Caribbean yam), corn, green plantains, dried beef, chicken. In Ortiz's metaphor, the great Cuban fusion is here, beginning with Indian foodstuffs – ajiaco comes from ají, an Indian word for chili, though, as Ortiz points out, the fusion begins when Spaniards replace the hot ají with their sweet bell pepper, to this day (incorrectly, I believe) called ají in Cuba. Spaniards also replaced the meager animal protein of the Caribbean (snakes and rodents) with their more substantial Eurasian domestic meats. But that's not all. Africa expresses itself through produce like yams, while French and Chinese immigrations contribute herbs and spices. In the end it all boils together for some time and we get Cuba. Or at least, the Cuban flavor.


The Spanish quotient is, more than the Indian, the strong base of this and all Latin cooking. And that base, according to Cuban-American food writer Maricel Presilla, is medieval. For as modern Latin writers, such as Cuba's own Alejo Carpentier and Mexico's Octavio Paz, have observed, Spain retained its Middle Ages into the modern era. Presilla identifies Spanish kitchen ways that are essentially medieval, such as marinating all meats before cooking them. A steady Spanish immigration to Cuba, well into the twentieth century, reinforced the Peninsular presence in Cuban cuisine, always modulated by the fusion of cultures and by geographical factors – the tropics. Today, I would argue, Cubans, certainly those from the diaspora, who have more access to various foodstuffs than those in scarcity-racked Cuba, dine on Spanish caldo gallego, from the Peninsula's northwestern corner, more frequently than on Fernando Ortiz's archetypal ajiaco.


Yet, these are not my concerns as a preteen about to set out for the northern territory, the land of blueberries and hamburgers.


My American quest intensifies in those years right before our immigration to the U.S., which would happen in December of 1956. They are marvelous years. Cuban writer Guillermo Cabrera Infante set his masterpiece - he insisted it wasn't a novel - Three Trapped Tigers in the hip modernist Havana of the period. The characters in his book, which I would read a full decade later, are what we kids would've liked to be, including their slipping into speaking English, mostly lines from American movies, to impress the ladies they were with (they weren't impressed) and each other (they were). Even though I'd been born and raised in colonial Old Havana, by the '50s we were living in Vedado, which was a wooded area back in the nineteenth century where misbehaving slaves were taken for summary beatings, but later was where the Cuban oligarchy built their mansions when they grew tired of the inner city, like a Havana version of Philadelphia's Main Line. I live in no mansion but in one of the many middle-class apartment buildings that have sprung up all over the quarter. I go to a private Catholic school in Vedado and have my first romantic crushes, unrequited, in the parks of Vedado.


On the ground floor of the modern building we have moved to, there is an American-style coffee shop, a counter with stools that sells wondrous new things, like grilled cheese sandwiches.


White square bread, pan de molde, has always been around in sandwich shops; in fact, it's an option for the original “Cuban” sandwiches, though they are not called that in Cuba any more than fries are called “French” in France. But pan de molde is more like French pain de mie, more textured than Wonder Bread. The latter has just arrived in Havana via a new American institution: the supermarket. It amuses me now to think that supermarkets were trendy once upon a time in my life, and that going to the supermarket was a thrilling experience that the new Cuban middle class indulged in. But so it was. A chain called Minimax has opened in certain upscale neighborhoods, where one can buy American canned and frozen foods, including, of course, the canned blueberries that have enthralled me, as well as Reddi-wip and other overpriced items my parents try to dissuade me from throwing in the cart.


The cart itself and self-service shopping are alluring novelties. In fact, the very notion of self-service is alluring. Cuba, like the rest of Latin America, Southern Europe, and actually most of the urban world, is a service society. A struggling middle-class family like my own has domestic help. Not the army of nurses, nannies, cooks, gardeners, maids, and governesses of the oligarchy, but a woman who lives with us and helps my mother keep house and watch over us. This is a necessity because my mother works full time, a necessity in itself if we are to sustain a middle-class lifestyle. In an affluent European country a family like ours would have had an au pair, but domestic help is inexpensive in Latin countries, so that's what we have. My parents are furiously egalitarian and unflinching left-of-center in their politics, so our criada, as a maid is called, does not wear a uniform (the horror!) nor does she take her food in the kitchen. She is not unlike an impoverished cousin or aunt one takes in, and does housework, not because that's how she pays for her keep, but because that's what women are supposed to do in a traditional society.


It's not our criada, but my mom, my dad, my sister, and I who make occasional treks to the Minimax. This stuff is expensive. But, oh, so new and marvelous. TV dinners, wow! Chicken pot pies. My mother, who all her life would try anything in her kitchen, learns to make chicken pot pies, probably from a cookbook. They are certainly tastier than the ones at the Minimax, but I think they are too heartily seasoned, have too much flavor. It's the bland frozen kind I crave. These tastes of mine distress my mother, who, rightfully, finds them degraded and degrading. Why, for example, would I want to take home moros y cristianos, Cuban black beans and rice cooked together, from the deli at Woolworth's, when she makes such amazing moros at home? The answer, which I cannot, nor would I dare, articulate is because it's precisely the tastelessness of this proto-fast-food Cuban dish that I crave. These moros have been Americanized by their very passage through the Woolworth's deli, and that is precisely what rocks my young palate.


Woolworth’s is my temple. In my very early teens, its toy department feeds my addiction to model airplanes, which in retrospect I suspect might also have been an addiction to the heady vapors of the glue used for fitting the plastic pieces of a B57 together. But even before I become a model airplane (or glue) junkie, Woolworth’s is a side benefit of another addiction: cartoons. Every Saturday afternoon a movie theater in what I would now call downtown Havana runs a cartoon matinee, with a heavy dose of my favorites, Tom and Jerry. Plus I get my mother all to myself. I am a young Marcel longing for maman.


Afterwards, she takes me to Woolworth's lunch counter, where I always order the same: a chicken salad sandwich and a chocolate ice cream soda, which, without having to be asked, they have the good sense to make with chocolate ice cream. Even today I will have Proustian flashbacks when I eat a chicken salad sandwich with crunchy iceberg lettuce on white toast. But it's the sodas I love, their intoxicating mix of cream, sparkling water, and chocolate. Ice cream sundaes I first taste at a shop next to another downtown movie theater, where I go with my parents on weekend nights, spoiling their evenings together I now understand, to see first-run American movies. The ice cream is vanilla, but that is only the base. Dripped all over it are two sauces, chocolate and marshmallow, and it's topped with a generous mound of whipped cream on which sit pieces of walnut, which spill down the side of the sweet mound. The flavor is divine - I love chocolate - and very intense.


These American treats come to me from the same place as the wonderful American movies I love. From some magical land of Oz. I will one day visit England and taste its truly awful food before the culinary revolution made rock stars of Brit chefs. And I will understand, because it's explained to me by an English intellectual I befriend, how the Industrial Revolution turned the sensuous feasts I find in a Fielding novel into such tasteless horrors as tinned potatoes. That very revolution made its mark with even more force in the States, begetting the plasticky tastes that delight me as a kid. And the British penchant for overcooking vegetables will translate into the mushy veggies of the American heartland, until Julia Child teaches her compatriots to cook comme il faut.


*******************


Food is culture and all culture is embedded in history. But that history is not yet taught in my classrooms, either in Cuba or later in the States. How history interacts with what I put in my mouth is something I do not even consider. I am a child, unsullied by knowledge. I know what I like. And much of it comes from the “cruel and brutal north” Marti warned us Cubans about.


As I begin to reach adolescence, my ardor for model airplanes cools, and I now go to Woolworth's for another passion. American music. This is the heyday of Cuban music. The great Beny Moré is all over the radio waves in Havana, where, without air-conditioning, open windows turn the streets into a movie with a tropical soundtrack. And Celia Cruz, who is regularly on television - another American marvel that has us Cubans hooked. Still, I could care less. I want to hear music in English. Most of all, rock and roll. Across the big avenue where my father works in an office, there is a Woolworth’s with a record department that plays nonstop American 45 RPMs. Teens older than me hang out there, wearing blue jeans, another American beauty, or slacks without pleats. I want to be like them. Cool, a word I don't yet know exists.


And a new American food is sweeping the city. Pizza. Nominally Italian, but truly American. Or Italian/American, a mix that I conceive of as two very modern cultures, never mind Italy's ruins of antiquity or its Renaissance. Italian movies are competing with American ones, and, in fact, surpassing them in allure. The Hollywood bombshells, like Marylyn Monroe, are being outdone in erotic pull by curvaceous creatures whose sexuality is far more explicit. And competing with the rage for blue jeans and plain-front pants, there are now to be seen on the streets of Havana tight Italian suits and light Italian shoes. Some Italian songs, like Arrivederci Roma, are running along American tunes in America's own hit parade, and we are hearing them as well.


Pizza is part of this rage for things Italian. We take to it enthusiastically - and will continue to do so; today there are still pizzerias in Havana, and there are some in Miami that advertise “Cuban pizza.” Of all the hungers of my Havana years, the yen for pizza will remain with me forever.


American burgers and ice cream sodas and upscale supermarkets and blue jeans and rock and roll. Italian movies starring women bursting with sexuality. Young men strolling in slick suits and shoes. Pizza. Havana of the '50s. La dolce vita cubana.


Even though we are still living in a service society, the appetite for American modernity finds another object of desire. The self-service cafeteria. This is truly revolutionary, the idea that you help yourself - or ask someone behind the hot plates to help you – instead of being waited on. So American. So modern.


Like the self-service supermarket, these spots open in upscale sections of Havana. Many Cubans of some means are well acquainted with the U.S., for they were often sent to school there. Not my family. To us, these emporia are supposed to be representative of the more perfect scene up north. Cubans we know who have traveled to New York speak of the Automat, where, beyond self-service, a kind of magic allows for money inserted in a slot to morph into freshly made food - or that's how I conceive it. Curiously, given what would happen later, it is not Miami we who crave modernity want Havana to become. It is New York. In the '50s an apartment building of thirty-two stories is built in Havana. We call it a rascacielos - a skyscraper.


There is another suave modernity I get glimpses of. It's an ice cream and sandwich shop called El Carmelo, where I go after school to buy comic books in English - they cost twice as much, twenty cents instead of ten, but I struggle with this language I love and, of course, feel the cachet, or illusion of cachet, these American imports accord me. But my family seldom if ever goes there. They are aware of class differences and how out of place they'd be among the club swells and society ladies. Plus it's too expensive for us. In spite of our awe of all things American and of our growing hope of emigration, we are thoroughly Cuban. And Spanish.


***************


My maternal grandmother is Spanish. She married her first cousin, both from the same small town in northwestern Spain and from middle-class families. It's not poverty that sent them to the New World, but my grandfather's ambition and taste for adventure. My grandfather came to hacer América, as Spaniards call it, emigrating across the ocean to get rich quick in the land of opportunity, which for Spaniards was not the U.S. but their former colonies, particularly Cuba. Not my granddad. With no real head for business, he died young and penniless, though I think having lived a colorful life - he was a ladies' man and my grandmother told me she rued the day she married such a handsome lad.


Abuelita - as I always called her, for I only remember her aged and wrinkled, her long white hair up in a bun, but as spry and energetic as a young girl - she was the greatest cook I've ever known. My mother was awesome in the kitchen. I'm no slouch. But we both always agreed she topped us, and we strive sometimes to approximate the flavor of her cuisine, this from a woman who never read a cookbook, made her food on a coal-fired stove, and was poor and had nine children to feed. My mother tells me that Estrella - for that was her name, Star, although that glamour was mitigated by her thoroughly common maiden name, Pérez - would go to the butcher, in the days when butchers butchered, carving a steer carcass into cuts of meat. Although Cubans eat tripe, which we call mondongo, it was not sought after, so the butcher would throw away the cow stomach. My grandmother would hustle it for free, then go home and cook a marvelous tripe dish, seasoned with capers and olives.


For abuelita was earthy. I remember watching her kill, bleed, and skin the rabbits that one of her sons, who made a living from the tiny truck farm he owned outside the city, brought her. Then she'd make a rabbit fricassee the taste of which I've never in my life enjoyed again, or anything close to it. My mother worked two jobs, the only way my parents could afford the middle-class life we were aspiring to, but they did not bring in enough for a criada just yet. So I was shipped off to one of my grandmothers' apartments to be watched. Estrella lived on the rooftop of a building in Old Havana, in a very modest apartment with curtains for bedroom walls and oilcloth on the kitchen table where we ate. There was washing hung out in the big common roof patio and, of course, my uncle's rabbits dripping blood into a bucket


Though I've been and am finicky and easily repulsed, I was not troubled by the dead rabbits. Nor, least of all, by Estrella's tale of how blood sausage was made in her native Asturias. It was this story that fired my passion for gastronomy, meaning not just for food but for talking about food, leaming how food was made, reveling in the culture of food.


My grandmother would describe how in the time of the matanza - the slaughter of farm animals - pig's blood was boiled down with the pig's bones until it thickened into what could be fit inside casing to make morcilla, the blood pudding of her native Asturias, and the meat cooked in the region's important bean soup, fabada asturiana, made with big lima beans called faves. Estrella's storytelling skills captivated me. To this day I love blood sausage, not just Asturias's morcilla, bur morcillas from Argentina, Colombia, Puerto Rico, never mind the sublime boudin noir of France. I love all sausage, really, but my taste for morcilla is positively vampiric.


*************


Cuban cooking is heavily Spanish. Even after Spain lost the island in the Spanish-American War, immigrants from the former metropolis, like my own grandparents, kept crossing the ocean - Estrella pregnant with my mother. From Estrella and my mother's stories I know my grandfather was a sensualist. "We never had money but there was wine every day at the dinner table," my mother says at my own dinner table, where her father's grandson, who is also without funds, pours wine every day. And his love of good food and my grandmother's skill made a dent on the other side of my family. On my father.


My paternal grandmother, Cuban for many generations, was, according to my parents, a terrible cook. I wouldn't know. Here I am, at her table, enjoying a chicken fricassee that my mother would say "is mostly water." Maybe it's because she has made it with love, with love for me, her favorite grandchild, that I find it delicious and comforting It's a typical Cuban/Spanish dish, the chicken cooked in a sofrito of onions, green peppers, garlic, and tomatoes - and all that water my mother scomed - until tender, and served with white rice. With my fork I mash the potatoes into the rice to produce a kind of seasoned mush. I can think of nothing finer. For the rest of her life, my grandmother, who like most of my family moved to Florida, will insist on making me chicken fricassee. Maybe it's the same childish reflex that makes me favor American or Americanized food over my mother's intense cuisine. The blandness. A mash of potatoes and rice flavored by a very watery broth is basically baby food.


In truth, my grandmother only makes one dish really well: masitas de puerco. This is an old Cuban peasant dish, possibly from the same provenance as the Asturias morcilla my other grandmother tells me about. In Cuba, when the pig is butchered, some of it is cut up into smallish bits, which are marinated in sour orange juice, garlic, and onion, and then fried slowly in lard from the very same pig until cooked through and tender. The masitas (little meat bits) are allowed to cool in the cooking lard and then stored as such. In France, this process is called a confit and meats thus cooked and stored are a staple of cassoulet. In the tropics, the preservation of meat is a tricky business, for it's summer all year round. This one works. My grandmother keeps the lard-preserved masitas in a glass jar, and when ready to serve them, she fries them again in the very same fat. They are really quite good.


Then there's arroz con pollo. It's one of the signature dishes of the Cuban menu, but truthfully, it's really Spanish The Cuban version is not colored with saffron, which is too expensive, but with annatto seeds. Otherwise, it's the Spanish sofrito, rice and, of course, chicken. Served for company, the casserole in which it's cooked is topped with asparagus, pimiento, and petit pois, all out of cans. Cuban cooks will do something heretical to foodies. Instead of draining the can juices and rinsing the vegetables, they will add the liquid to the arroz con pollo. I admit I like it. There is a version of this dish called arroz con pollo a la chorrera (dripping rice with chicken) that is very, very moist, not quite a soup like its cousin dish, Puerto Rico's asopao (literally "soupy"), but pretty wet. This dish is finished with a whole bottle of beer and in some recipes I've seen some wine and even rum. No need for cocktails here.


My paternal grandmother, whose name is Concha but I call her madrina because she's also my godmother, makes arroz con pollo, typically bland. Estrella makes it too and it's delicious. And my own mother also makes it; of course, it's one of my father's favorites, though not mine. It is, again, the intensity of flavor. Estrella's cooking is hardly bland, but something about it hits the right spot, even with my childish palate. Mom's I simply don't like for quite some time. I suspect there is too much tomato, sometimes I wonder if it's the bay leaf that overwhelms the flavor. But these are an adult's conjectures over a remembered taste sensation. Perhaps. though, it was simply that she was young and only beginning to cook, while my grandmothers, the good cook and the bad, were veterans of the kitchen and fixed dishes unself- consciously, instinctually. As with a musical virtuoso during a performance, there was no activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. Only moves that had been done over and over for years. Only that sacred moment we call art.


Still, if someone was not impressed at all by my paternal grandmother's cooking, which he had to eat every day at home, it was my dad. Then he met my mother. She was. from her photos and my childhood memory, a true beauty. But it was the food at my mother's home that clinched the deal. Invited to eat at his girlfriend's house, my dad found culinary delights he had never imagined. And knowing the young woman he had fallen for was in the kitchen, he never left. I owe my existence to the good food at the de Llano home and its marked difference from the same old fare at the Fernández's.

Click to continue to Part 2

In My Hotel Room in Havana

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How long have I been in my room? Hours probably. I can hear the music flowing from the poolside party at the Nacional. There's a poolside party every night. Who might be performing tonight? Someone I want to hear, like Pablo Milanes or Los Van Van. The first few nights I went to the party, drank rum, talked to the few people I had met. But I got tired. Tired of drinking rum, tired of talking with people that I'd run out of things to say to. Tired of the endless wait for some music, which usually never came.

This is Cuba. This is the Havana Film Festival in the 1980s. There's barely any printed program. There's barely any printed anything. Or if there is, it runs out right away. Like snacks at a cocktail party in a country where everyone's hungry. So I go, drink rum, try to talk with someone, go back to my room, up the hill at the Habana Libre, built as the Havana Hilton before the Revolution.

I like it. It's mid century modern. It has serious art, commissioned by the Hilton company back in the day. It has good bars and not too terrible food. It does smell of stale tobacco smoke, but I grew up in this city, where everything smells of tobacco. And the mirrors give back an image twenty pounds heavier. Maybe it's from the days when women were supposed to be over-the-top curvaceous and the prosperous men who married them or kept them were supposed to be portly. At least that's what I remember. Now my enlarged image freaks me out every time I walk down the hall to the elevator, particularly if I'm on my way to lunch. But hunger wins out and I forget about the fat boy in the mirror. Not that I'm hungry like my fellow Cubans who never left. I'm just a glutton. And I drink. Everyone drinks. A lot. I love Cuban rum and in a society where, as in all the Latin countries I've been to, drinking a lot is the norm, I join right in. Of course, alcohol accelerates depression. And I am depressed.

I decide to venture out. On my way to the elevator I'm joined by a young couple who've just come out of a room. They're high, probably on rum, maybe on drugs, certainly on sex. When I say hello, the woman recognizes my Cuban accent and concludes, from my clothes and the fact that I'm staying in the hotel, that I hail from the US. “It's not your fault your parents took you out of here”, she says, both she and her partner shimmering with erotic and chemical energy. Maybe she's Cuban, the daughter of exiles, now in sympathy with the Revolution much to her parents’ chagrin. I can't tell. I'm not focused, barely waking up from my depressed hotel-room solitude.

She touches me. Kindness. Solidarity. I want to strangle her. They're both small, they guy is younger but I have pounds on him. I want to kill them both. They offend me. They offend my depression. I'm not like her – something tells me he's local. No one took me out of here. I was glad to leave. And it was before the Revolution, which my whole family was in sympathy with. I certainly was, but with each visit to Cuba less and less. And right now not at all.


I'm no fighter, but I'm bigger and I'm not high. Maybe I could knock him out. Then drag her back to my room and first rape her and then strangle her. Yes, that's what I want to do. That would short-circuit my depression. That would make me feel alive. A new man. A new Cuban man. One whom no parents took out of here before he decided the Revolution was righteous. One who has come back ostensibly to write about it, but, in truth, is looking for something, the answer to something, the key to something. Well, here's the key. Rape. Murder. Redemption. Revolution.

Right now I can't imagine writing anything. This has been a wasted trip. But I will write. I always do. It will reflect my political ambiguity. It will be clever with an undercurrent of darkness. It will be sensuous. But it will be a lie. The truth is here, in this hotel hall on the way to the elevator, in the company of a young couple besotted with sex and rum and who knows what else. In the offense I'm given unintentionally. In my rage, ripping a tear in my depression. In the crimes I want to commit in the name of my anonymous passage through history. In the pain I want to inflict. In my bloodlust and my lust. In my desire to join the carnage – the killing of rebellious Indians, the hunt for runaway slaves, the public garrotings, the machete charges of the wars of independence, the torture of revolutionary prisoners, the firing squads manned by revolutionaries. I want to be purified by violence. I want to be finally and fully Cuban.

Alapa-dupe

BABALOO!

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That was Desi Arnaz's signature call, which he sang while hitting a big drum hanging on his hip from a shoulder strap and dancing a conga step. The wily Arnaz had lifted the move and the song from Miguelito Valdés, a popular Cuban artist known as Mr. Babalú (the Spanish spelling of the word).

Arnaz was America's notion of a Cuban, Ricky Ricardo in the TV series. Mild Latin lover charm and sex appeal, thick accent in English, and exasperated outbursts of rapid-fire Spanish (sometimes laced with profanities the audience could not detect) when wife Lucy's antics became too much, as they did week after week.  He was a lovable Latino, a threat to no one, and cute when he got mad. He was laughable because, after all, this was a comedy. 

Years ago a colleague who shall remain nameless and today writes for a major publication, was a bit of a wag. In the office of our publication, which was major in a minor mode, he took to calling me "Babaloo." Obviously, I reminded him of Desi/Ricky, and though I didn't do conga steps down the newsroom slapping a drum, I was the designated Latin music critic. 

I knew from early school years that showing irritation at a clever nickname was a surefire way to make it stick. So I showed none when he called me Babaloo. One day though, I said, "Do you know what that word means?" And I proceeded to tell him about Babalú Ayé, an orisha, or as popularly known, a "saint", in the Yoruba pantheon of Afro-Cuban religion. A powerful deity in Santería, evoked by the song Miguelito Valdés and later Desi Arnaz sang. 

"He oversees your feet and your legs", I said. "Which is why he is depicted as a cripple on crutches." And I added, matter-of-factly. "He determines if anything will happen to those parts of your body, if you will walk or be a paralyzed invalid for the rest of your life."

My colleague looked dazed and confused as I explained the backstory of that cute Cuban Desi Arnaz and his signature chant.

And he never again called me Babaloo.



From Highwayman to Henry

Both my birth and baptismal certificates read: Enrique Cecilio Fernández de Llano. I am not the POTUS nor, born in Cuba, could I be, nor ever dreamt of such a thing – a cowboy is another matter. But like the Man, I have a story of foreignness, immigration and Otherness that accounts for such a mouthful.

A gravestone in Roberts Cemetery, a short walk from where I now live in a rural corner of the Florida Panhandle, bears the flamboyantly Spanish name Enrique Arturo Fernandez, among the rather reserved Roberts and Smiths and Williams. But even that is not my father’s full name, for he was Fernández Borges, following the Hispanic custom of using both the paternal and maternal patronymics, which turns the all-too-common Fernández into something grander.

It helps, if one is a Fernández or Pérez or García, to have a mom with a more interesting surname. Thus, the Spanish poet with the totally banal name García is known as García Lorca, or more commonly, Lorca. Even with two boring patronymics the trick works. There are almost as many Márquez as there are Garcías, but put them together and, voilá, Nobel winner García Márquez. My dad’s maternal patronymic is also the name of a writer, Borges, who never felt a need to add another patronymic, though he is known by both first and middle names, Jorge Luis. I’m sure the cacophony of Jorge Borges disturbed his finely tuned – he was blind, after all – ear.

So here are the whys of my name. Enrique is my dad’s name and my family is not very inventive, or maybe they just wanted to perpetuate themselves – I gave two of my sons the middle name Enrique, but would never dream of saddling them with being yet one more Enrique Fernández, one of me is perhaps one too many.

Cecilio, because I was born on the day of St. Cecilia. Love the saint, patron saint of music. Hate the middle name, never use it.

Fernández is my father’s paternal patronymic – wow, that’s repetitive. And de Llano, my mom’s. Here it gets complicated. Many of my uncles and even my mom dropped the “de” and just called themselves Llano. I never knew exactly why. A “de” signals a noble title, and indeed, it was so at some point, though not in the proper Middle Ages, where one earned it by being a ruthless warlord, but in the 18th century, where, according to my mom, our forebear was a common highwayman. Certainly there’s a story there I must learn.

However, I suspect the pretentiousness of de Llano did not sit well with my Spanish immigrant family, leftists all of them, nor in the Cuban working-class environment in which they lived – we Cubans have all kinds of flaws, but we detest pretentiousness. And, I also suspect, the “de” brought them revoltingly close to Franco’s most notorious general, Queipo de Llano, supposedly the man who gave the order of execution of that poet called García, Spain’s and arguably the world’s most beloved. To be identified with a Fascist must have been anathema; one of my uncles went back to Spain to fight – and die – in the Spanish Civil War, precisely against Franco.

Still, highwaymen and Fascists aside, I like de Llano, regardless of provenance, for it is one of my family names. But when we migrated to the States, I dropped it. Simple reason: American public schools required the endless filling of forms, and there was no place for a second surname. Then I dropped Enrique and became Henry.

My family moved from Havana to Tampa in the late ‘50s. Tampa was the South, and Southerners, in my experience, have trouble with foreign pronunciation. I’m sure a linguist could give an explanation; my data is purely anecdotal. In Tampa I did meet good old boys and girls who could speak some Spanish and do so properly, having learned it in Florida’s most Hispanic city – until the Cuban Revolution sent waves of us north to Miami. But, for the most part, there was a pronunciation block.

A trilled “r” after an “n” is hard to pull off, even if one is a native Spanish-speaker. If you are one, try it now, try saying my name slowly and pay attention to the convulsions of your tongue. Not easy. For your average Florida cracker tongue-tied in foreign tongues, it’s pretty much impossible. So here I was, a 13-year old kid seeing folk grimace with pain every time they tried to speak my name. So I’d say, just call me Henry.

Grandfather Estanislao de Llano is one of the men doing military service in this faded photograph.

Grandfather Estanislao de Llano is one of the men doing military service in this faded photograph.

When it came time to get naturalized – what an odd verb, does that mean I was until that moment unnatural? – I used my name in English, as I had been doing for years. And so, Henry became my legal name. Little did I know of the henpecked connotation of the name, since the only Henry I knew about was the one whose second name was VIII, and he was known to enforce his macho ways with the edge of an axe.

A number of my Cuban friends still called me Enrique, though many called me Henry because the English equivalent is a common nickname among Latin Americans, like, say, Colombians, who also add “old man” to the nickname, thus, I can be viejo Henry. So once, when I left the college where I was teaching to take on a year-long job elsewhere, the Cuban friend I was replacing introduced me as Enrique, which is what he had always called me. After a year, I got used to it again and it stuck.

Trouble was my papers still read Henry. Eventually, after using the name in Spanish most of the time, even my driver’s license and voter’s registration read Enrique. Until 9/11. When I had to renew my license, it reverted back to my legal name, Henry. With that, I could only get a plane ticket under Henry. Finally, other bureaucratic demands pushed me into being Henry, at least officially. And then I moved to the Florida Panhandle, where the locals could no more pronounce Enrique than their Tampa counterparts back in the day. So now I was Henry. Again.

Except to my mom and some other family members, to whom I was Enriquito, as my own father had been as a young man. Now and then some Latin American would call me Quique, the usual nickname for Enrique. Professionally, though, I was and am still Enrique. After all, it’s my birth name.

Well, not quite. My name is Enrique Fernández de Llano. I think of using it again; after all, it’s mine. Some of my Florida cracker buddies long ago would call me Hank to rile me. Hank Fernandez sounds like a baseball player, though I would rather think of myself as a country singer. And if I were a writer in Colombia, I know I’d call myself Viejo Henry. Here in the States, all those surnames seem pretentious, and a Spanish name, no matter how common, is less so in an English-speaking country. Yeah, for how long? I already know of other Enrique Fernández whose world overlaps mine – a salsa musician, a Dominican radio DJ, and so on.

It’s a quandary. Enough to drive one into forgetting the writer’s life and becoming a highwayman. Asaltador de Caminos. Maybe that’d be my name. Stand and deliver!